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Guide 4 Golf
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See also: Gloves
See also: Shoes
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Four Magic Moves
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Golf Jokes
Golfer: "I'm going to drown myself in that lake over there."
Caddy: "Do you think that you can keep your head down that long?"
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The 10 Unalterable Laws of Golf
- Golf is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.
- Golfers who claim not to cheat, also lie.
- If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight.
- There are only two kinds of bounces: unfair, and ones that went just the way you meant to play them.
- The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course, is a straight line: A straight line
that passes through a very large tree.
- If you are unable to keep your head still, and you look up, causing a bad shot,
you will look down again at the exact moment when you should be watching the ball if you ever want to find
it again.
- Bad shots always come in threes. If you believe that you performed your fourth bad shot in a row, you're wrong: it's actually the first of the next group of three.
- If it ain't broke, try changing your grip.
- Any ball that you can see in the rough from more than 2 feet away, isn't yours.
- No matter how badly you are currently playing, it's always possible to play worse.
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Golfer: "I just got a set of golf clubs for my wife."
Caddy: "Great trade!"
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A man comes home from his Saturday afternoon golf game, and his wife asks,
"Why don't you play with Tom Paxton anymore?"
The husband replies, "Would you want to play golf with somebody who
cheats in virtually every single game, swears like a foul-mouthed sailor, lies about his score, and
doesn't have a good word to say about anybody else on the course?"
"Of course not" replies wife.
"Well," says the husband, "neither would Tom Paxton."
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Golfer: "Do you think that my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Oh yes. You miss the ball much closer now."
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Funny Golf Quotes
"Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose."
- Woodrow Wilson
" The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course."
- Billy Graham
"It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling."
- Mark Twain
"Golf, like measles, should be caught young."
- P. G. Wodehouse
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Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break one hundred on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven. You've already moved most of the earth."
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More Funny Golf Quotes
"I know I'm getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators."
- Gerald Ford
"I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles."
- G. K. Chesterton
"If you think it's hard to meet new people,try picking up the wrong golf ball."
- Jack Lemmon
"They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that."
- Gardner Dickinson
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And now for some golf humor books...
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Gibbs Smith
Paperback (176 pages)
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As one of the oldest and most beloved sports of all time, golf has been parodied, satirized, and spoofed more than any other sport. It has been particularly popular within the world of cartoons and comic strips-from Beetle Bailey to B.C. to Peanuts, the sport of golf appears in thousands of Sunday funnies around the world. Golf in the Comic Strips features a collection of some of the foremost cartoonists as they capture the putts, drives, holes in one, bogeys, and birdies that illustrate the mysterious and rewarding allure of golf. From his collection of more than 4,000 cartoons and comic strips on golf, Howard Ziehm shares over 200 full-color, rare, and historic comic strips from more than 100 artists, including Clare Briggs (A Piker's Clerk), Sidney Smith (The Gumps), Charles Schulz (Peanuts), Johnny Hart (B.C.), and Mort Walker (Beetle Bailey). Howard Ziehm shares insightful comments about the artists, the historical period of each strip, stylistic innovations and milestones, and artist-related information that offer a sense of what golf and the world was like in each era. Golf in the Comic Strips is an essential addition to the libraries of all golf lovers and cartoon fans. Howard Ziehm is the writer and creator of a self-help, vocabulary-expansion series, including Wordbank (Simon and Schuster), and Wordbuilders (Bantam Dell). Currently, this nine handicapper operates several entertainment ventures, including Golftoons, a golf entertainment company, and resides in Malibu, California. |
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By George Fuller
The Booklegger
Paperback (248 pages)
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Click Here | - ISBN13: 9780736075282
- Notes: BUY WITH CONFIDENCE, Over one million books sold! 98% Positive feedback. Compare our books, prices and service to the competition. 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed
Product Description:
Finally, a book that delves into the warped and obsessive mind of today's golfer. Whether your idea of golf is an occasional round with fellow duffers at the local muni or frequent forays to far-flung courses in search of the perfect round, you'll identify with this book like no other.
Popular golf humorist George Fuller will have you laughing as he makes light of the idiosyncrasies of otherwise sane people who are addicted to this holy, wholly frustrating game.
I Golf, Therefore I Am--Nuts! brings out the humor in situations that all golfers can relate to: - Looking for Mulligan, the patron saint of forgiveness
- The hype architects and developers use when describing a new course
- Quirks, quips, and superstitions from the PGA Tour
If your eyes light up every time you read about a new driver, your TiVo has golf programming that originally aired in 2004, you receive holiday cards from greenskeepers, or your golf wardrobe doubles as business casual, then I Golf, Therefore I Am--Nuts! is for you. |
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By Henry Beard
Sterling
Paperback (128 pages)
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Every golfer knows the feeling: Anything that can go right will go WAY, WAY right. To hit a truly awful shot, mere incompetence is not enough…you really need an audience. Back in the early days of the game, when the first rules were written and the basics of etiquette formulated, there appeared a series of shrewd and rueful observations about golf that were nearly always attributed to a mysterious individual named Murphy. As time passed, these canny precepts found their way into the culture at large—but the roots of Murphy’s Laws clearly lie in this sport that’s tailor-made to expose the fundamental malevolence of the cosmos. Here they are, collected—for all lovers of the links to ponder when they’re in the rough! |
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By Justin Exner
Sourcebooks Hysteria
Paperback (144 pages)
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1. A drop of sweat fell in my eye, and I missed the ball. 2. I stubbed my toe on the base of my bed, now I can't wear my golf shoes. 3. I've only played with these clubs twice. 4. My rain suit is too tight and I can't swing my club smoothly. 5. My ball is all scuffed up. 6. I keep picking up my head. I'm afraid the geese are going to do their business on me. 7. The tee was leaning too far forward. 8. I get nervous shooting last all the time. 9. The sun was in my eyes. 10. I thought we were using the green over there. |
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By Jack Canfield & Amy Newmark
The Booklegger
Paperback (380 pages)
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Golfers are a special breed. They endure bad weather, early wake up calls, great expense, and "interesting" clothing to engage in their favorite sport. This new volume contains Chicken Soup's 101 best stories and poems about golfers, golfing, and a few stories about other sports and athletes. The first Chicken Soup for the Soul book was published in 1993, and became a publishing industry sensation, ultimately selling eight million copies. Since then, more than 150 Chicken Soup titles have been published, selling more than 100 million copies. Chicken Soup for the Soul has won dozens of awards over the past 15 years, and its founders, Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen have become celebrity motivational speakers and authors. |
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By James Long Hale
Thom Ward
Hardcover (48 pages)
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Click Here | - Gold-Embossed Hard-Bound Cover
- Original Illustrations by John Kuchera
Product Description:
A delightful collection of humorous sonnets and illustrations about the Game of Golf, deigned to fit in a Golf bag and guaranteed to keep you smiling from tee to green. |
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Stoddart
Paperback (144 pages)
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Filled with classic cartoons, hilarious party jokes, side-splitting stories and humorous interviews with golfing greats, Fore Play captures the essence of what readers love about Playboy's skewed look at this popular sport. Illustrations throughout, 50 in color. |
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By Allan Zullo
Andrews McMeel Publishing
Paperback (224 pages)
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"Whether it's the hacker who caught his own ricocheted drive, the pro who stripped down to his shorts to play a shot, or the caddie who lost a golf bag during a round, one thing is certain: Golf is a funny game." --From the introductionFrom bogies and birdies to par shots and eagles, Zullo offers outrageously funny golf tales certain to entertain golf's millions of enthusiasts. From Arnie's infamous run-in with the ninth tee at Rancho Park Golf Course to the amateur hacker who was hit in the head by his own ricocheting golf ball, Allan Zullo presents more than 100 sidesplitting anecdotes of life on the green for linksmen and women in dire need of a laugh and a lower handicap. Recounting mulligans and master strokes from the days hickory shafts ruled the fairways to the 2006 PGA, Champions, and LPGA Tours, this comical compendium is executed with the precision of a flawless bunker shot into the cup. |
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By Henry Beard
Booklegger
Paperback (128 pages)
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Everyone who plays golf dreams of long drives, below-par scores, and holes-in-one. Unfortunately, not everyone succeeds. But there is an easy way for golfers to knock a dozen strokes off their handicap. No, it doesn’t require new clubs—just new rules, designed for the game mortals actually play: Bad Golf. Here at last, in one compact, illustrated guide, are 62 of the commonly accepted Mulligans, gimmes, waivers, escape clauses, and extenuating circumstances that sensible amateurs have employed for years to level the playing field just a bit with the likes of Arnold, Jack, and Tiger. It’s a must-have for every golf bag! |
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By Robert Mankoff
Bloomberg Press
Hardcover (128 pages)
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A hilarious hole in one! Golfers are, to say the least, dedicated (some would argue certifiable) and these cartoons bring out the best of the humor of the game—from its triumphs to its frustrations. The New Yorker 's cartoon editor Bob Mankoff has selected the very best golf cartoons for this book from the magazine's amazing artists. And the best of The New Yorker means cartoonists like Charles Addams, Peter Arno, George Booth, Roz Chast, Edward Koren, and William Steig. George Plimpton has theorized on sports books that "the smaller the ball, the better the book." He was commenting on prose, but this fabulous collection proves his theory true for cartoons as well. |
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