Golf Jokes

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1. Golf is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.
   
   
2. Golfers who claim not to cheat, also lie.
   
   
3. If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight.
   
   
4. There are only two kinds of bounces: unfair, and ones that went just the way you meant to play them.
   
   
5. The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course, is a straight line: A straight line that passes through a very large tree.
   
   
6. If you are unable to keep your head still, and you look up, causing a bad shot, you will look down again at the exact moment when you should be watching the ball if you ever want to find it again.
   
   
7. Bad shots always come in threes. If you believe that you performed your fourth bad shot in a row, you're wrong: it's actually the first of the next group of three.
   
   
8. If it ain't broke, try changing your grip.
   
   
9. Any ball that you can see in the rough from more than 2 feet away, isn't yours.
   
   
10. No matter how badly you are currently playing, it's always possible to play worse.

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• Golf Jokes and Funny Pictures

Golf Is a Funny Game By Allan Zullo Andrews McMeel Publishing Paperback (224 pages) List Price: $12.99* Lowest New Price: $5.60* Lowest Used Price: $1.73* Usually ships in 24 hours* *(As of 05:28 Pacific 11 Mar 2010 More Info) Click Here Product Description: "Whether it's the hacker who caught his own ricocheted drive, the pro who stripped down to his shorts to play a shot, or the caddie who lost a golf bag during a round, one thing is certain: Golf is a funny game." --From the introduction From bogies and birdies to par shots and eagles, Zullo offers outrageously funny golf tales certain to entertain golf's millions of enthusiasts. From Arnie's infamous run-in with the ninth tee at Rancho Park Golf Course to the amateur hacker who was hit in the head by his own ricocheting golf ball, Allan Zullo presents more than 100 sidesplitting anecdotes of life on the green for linksmen and women in dire need of a laugh and a lower handicap. Recounting mulligans and master strokes from the days hickory shafts ruled the fairways to the 2006 PGA, Champions, and LPGA Tours, this comical compendium is executed with the precision of a flawless bunker shot into the cup.

501 Excuses for a Bad Golf Shot By Justin Exner Sourcebooks Hysteria Paperback (144 pages) List Price: $8.95* Lowest New Price: $4.02* Lowest Used Price: $0.40* Usually ships in 24 hours* *(As of 05:28 Pacific 11 Mar 2010 More Info) Click Here ISBN13: 9781402202544 Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark. Product Description: 1. A drop of sweat fell in my eye, and I missed the ball. 2. I stubbed my toe on the base of my bed, now I can't wear my golf shoes. 3. I've only played with these clubs twice. 4. My rain suit is too tight and I can't swing my club smoothly. 5. My ball is all scuffed up. 6. I keep picking up my head. I'm afraid the geese are going to do their business on me. 7. The tee was leaning too far forward. 8. I get nervous shooting last all the time. 9. The sun was in my eyes. 10. I thought we were using the green over there.

One Nation Under Par, From the Clubhouse... to the White House? By Mark Nemcek Publish To Go LLC Released: 2006-10-26 Perfect Paperback (230 pages) List Price: $14.95* Lowest New Price: $9.96* Lowest Used Price: $3.99* Usually ships in 24 hours* *(As of 05:28 Pacific 11 Mar 2010 More Info) Click Here Product Description: If your choice for president was a dishonest and corrupt politician, or an honest semi-pro golfer whose gorgeous wife made money the old fashion way, and his campaign manager is a Las Vegas gambling talk show host, who would you vote for? If you could ask any presidential candidate a question while they re hooked up to a lie detector, what would you ask them? One Nation Under Par is a funny and fast paced story that hits a hole-in-one for virtually anyone that has interest in politics, golf, sports, gambling, music, mild levels of absurdity, and even unusual pet tricks. While taking his last shot to become a professional touring golfer, Jeff Taylor became entangled in an unprecedented betting scheme and found himself unofficially in the presidential election race. Except for being brutally honest, he had no other skills to run for the most important position in the world. However, Jeff found a new desire to run for president, and actually put up a fighting chance in his effort to win the election with the aid of his off-beat team members. But evil political forces deployed a comical band of thugs, attempting to squash his claim to the presidential throne using any means necessary. If you're into golf and political humor, grab your clubs and enjoy the 18 hysterical holes of One Nation Under Par.

Golf Humor By Charles Hellman Luckysports Perfect Paperback (32 pages) List Price: $4.95* Lowest New Price: $4.95* Lowest Used Price: $9.44* Usually ships in 24 hours* *(As of 05:28 Pacific 11 Mar 2010 More Info) Click Here Product Description: A humorous collection of original golf cartoons.

The New Yorker Book of Golf Cartoons (New Yorker Book of Cartoons) By Robert Mankoff Bloomberg Press Hardcover (128 pages) List Price: $21.95* Lowest New Price: $13.24* Lowest Used Price: $1.58* Usually ships in 24 hours* *(As of 05:28 Pacific 11 Mar 2010 More Info) Click Here Product Description: A hilarious hole in one! Golfers are, to say the least, dedicated (some would argue certifiable) and these cartoons bring out the best of the humor of the game—from its triumphs to its frustrations. The New Yorker 's cartoon editor Bob Mankoff has selected the very best golf cartoons for this book from the magazine's amazing artists. And the best of The New Yorker means cartoonists like Charles Addams, Peter Arno, George Booth, Roz Chast, Edward Koren, and William Steig. George Plimpton has theorized on sports books that "the smaller the ball, the better the book." He was commenting on prose, but this fabulous collection proves his theory true for cartoons as well.

The Golf Doc: Health, Humor, and Insight to Improve Your Game By Ed Palank MD Jones and Bartlett Publishers, Inc. Paperback (192 pages) List Price: $24.95* Lowest New Price: $15.91* Lowest Used Price: $0.74* Usually ships in 24 hours* *(As of 05:28 Pacific 11 Mar 2010 More Info) Click Here Product Description: The Golf Doc is a comprehensive compendium about how to prevent golf injuries and speed up recovery time.

The Complete Book of Golf Games, Revised Edition By Scott Johnston Mustang Publishing Paperback (96 pages) List Price: $12.00* Lowest New Price: $6.83* Lowest Used Price: $0.01* Usually ships in 24 hours* *(As of 05:28 Pacific 11 Mar 2010 More Info) Click Here Product Description: This revised and expanded edition of a golf classic should be in every player's bag. With complete descriptions of well-known golf diversions and betting games like Nassau and Skins, to details on wacky, obscure contests like String and Bingo, Bango, Bongo -- plus lots of great golf trivia, quotes, and cartoons -- this book will make your next 18 holes a lot more fun.

Fore Play: The Very Best of Playboy's Classic Golf Humor Stoddart Paperback (144 pages) List Price: $9.95* Lowest New Price: $5.90* Lowest Used Price: $1.19* *(As of 05:28 Pacific 11 Mar 2010 More Info) Click Here Product Description: Filled with classic cartoons, hilarious party jokes, side-splitting stories and humorous interviews with golfing greats, Fore Play captures the essence of what readers love about Playboy's skewed look at this popular sport. Illustrations throughout, 50 in color.

Chasing The Gator By Timothy Eagen McHugh BookSurge Publishing Released: 2009-08-28 Paperback (334 pages) List Price: $15.99* Lowest New Price: $15.99* Lowest Used Price: $122.30* Temporarily out of stock. Order now and we'll deliver when available. We'll e-mail you with an estimated delivery date as soon as we have more information. Your credit card will not be charged until we ship the item.* *(As of 05:28 Pacific 11 Mar 2010 More Info) Click Here Product Description: A hilarious story about a golf course, those that run it, play it, and inhabit it. These characters will resonate with every golfer as frustration and fun intermingle. Chasing the Gator, chronicles the events of one summer at White Lake Golf Course with one golf pro chasing women, one running from the woman he has, and a staff of retirees who are more interested in free golf than working. There's an eccentric range ball picker, colorful customers and of course the resident alligator. Whether it's paratroopers invading, a golf shoe heist, a fist fight over slow play, speed golfing women, international tourists, or aggressive deer; there is never a dull moment at White Lake Golf Course. A series of mad-capped night golf and gambling events keep the fun going after the sun goes down. However, an investigation into a corrupt county official's water bottle scheme brings an unwelcome spotlight to some less than authorized activities.