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Guide 4 Golf
Accessories
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See also: Gloves
See also: Shoes
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See: Kids' Clubs
See: Men's Clubs
See: Women's Clubs
eBooks & Downloads
Four Magic Moves
Guide to Golf Options
High Power Golf
Instant Golf Lesson
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Renegade Mindset
Simple Golf Swing
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Shoes
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Golf Jokes
Golfer: "I'm going to drown myself in that lake over there."
Caddy: "Do you think that you can keep your head down that long?"
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The 10 Unalterable Laws of Golf
- Golf is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.
- Golfers who claim not to cheat, also lie.
- If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight.
- There are only two kinds of bounces: unfair, and ones that went just the way you meant to play them.
- The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course, is a straight line: A straight line
that passes through a very large tree.
- If you are unable to keep your head still, and you look up, causing a bad shot,
you will look down again at the exact moment when you should be watching the ball if you ever want to find
it again.
- Bad shots always come in threes. If you believe that you performed your fourth bad shot in a row, you're wrong: it's actually the first of the next group of three.
- If it ain't broke, try changing your grip.
- Any ball that you can see in the rough from more than 2 feet away, isn't yours.
- No matter how badly you are currently playing, it's always possible to play worse.
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Golfer: "I just got a set of golf clubs for my wife."
Caddy: "Great trade!"
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A man comes home from his Saturday afternoon golf game, and his wife asks,
"Why don't you play with Tom Paxton anymore?"
The husband replies, "Would you want to play golf with somebody who
cheats in virtually every single game, swears like a foul-mouthed sailor, lies about his score, and
doesn't have a good word to say about anybody else on the course?"
"Of course not" replies wife.
"Well," says the husband, "neither would Tom Paxton."
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Golfer: "Do you think that my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Oh yes. You miss the ball much closer now."
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Funny Golf Quotes
"Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose."
- Woodrow Wilson
" The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course."
- Billy Graham
"It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling."
- Mark Twain
"Golf, like measles, should be caught young."
- P. G. Wodehouse
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Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break one hundred on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven. You've already moved most of the earth."
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More Funny Golf Quotes
"I know I'm getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators."
- Gerald Ford
"I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles."
- G. K. Chesterton
"If you think it's hard to meet new people,try picking up the wrong golf ball."
- Jack Lemmon
"They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that."
- Gardner Dickinson
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And now for some golf humor books...
Related Links:
Publish To Go LLC Released: 2006-10-26 Perfect Paperback (230 pages)
 | List Price: $14.95 Lowest New Price: $9.99 Usually ships in 24 hours (As of 03:00 Pacific 22 Nov 2008 More Info)
Click Here | Product Description: If your choice for president was a dishonest and corrupt politician, or an honest semi-pro golfer whose gorgeous wife made money the old fashion way, and his campaign manager is a Las Vegas gambling talk show host, who would you vote for? If you could ask any presidential candidate a question while they re hooked up to a lie detector, what would you ask them? One Nation Under Par is a funny and fast paced story that hits a hole-in-one for virtually anyone that has interest in politics, golf, sports, gambling, music, mild levels of absurdity, and even unusual pet tricks. While taking his last shot to become a professional touring golfer, Jeff Taylor became entangled in an unprecedented betting scheme and found himself unofficially in the presidential election race. Except for being brutally honest, he had no other skills to run for the most important position in the world. However, Jeff found a new desire to run for president, and actually put up a fighting chance in his effort to win the election with the aid of his off-beat team members. But evil political forces deployed a comical band of thugs, attempting to squash his claim to the presidential throne using any means necessary. If you're into golf and political humor, grab your clubs and enjoy the 18 hysterical holes of One Nation Under Par. |
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By Henry Beard
Sterling Paperback (128 pages)
 | List Price: $9.95 Lowest New Price: $1.95 Lowest Used Price: $0.01 Usually ships in 24 hours (As of 03:00 Pacific 22 Nov 2008 More Info)
Click Here | Product Description:
Every golfer knows the feeling: Anything that can go right will go WAY, WAY right. To hit a truly awful shot, mere incompetence is not enough…you really need an audience. Back in the early days of the game, when the first rules were written and the basics of etiquette formulated, there appeared a series of shrewd and rueful observations about golf that were nearly always attributed to a mysterious individual named Murphy. As time passed, these canny precepts found their way into the culture at large—but the roots of Murphy’s Laws clearly lie in this sport that’s tailor-made to expose the fundamental malevolence of the cosmos. Here they are, collected—for all lovers of the links to ponder when they’re in the rough! |
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By George Fuller
Human Kinetics Publishers Paperback (227 pages)
 | List Price: $15.95 Lowest New Price: $9.69 Lowest Used Price: $29.22 Usually ships in 24 hours (As of 03:00 Pacific 22 Nov 2008 More Info)
Click Here | Product Description: This is finally, a book that delves into the warped and obsessive mind of today's golfer! Whether their idea of golf is an occasional round with fellow players at the local golf course or frequent forays to far-flung courses in search of the perfect round, readers identify with this book like no other. Popular golf humourist George Fuller will have the reader laughing as he makes light of the idiosyncrasies of otherwise sane people who are addicted to this wholly frustrating game. This book brings out the humour in situations that all golfers can relate to - Looking for Mulligan, the patron saint of forgiveness and the hype that architects and developers use when describing a new course and quirks, quips and superstitions from the PGA Tour. |
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By Robert Brown
Booklegger Hardcover (210 pages)
 | List Price: $24.95 Lowest New Price: $4.25 Lowest Used Price: $0.01 Usually ships in 24 hours (As of 03:00 Pacific 22 Nov 2008 More Info)
Click Here | Product Description: From the touring professional to the weekend warrior from television commentators to the golf-watching couch potato, everyone acknowledges the existence of the gods of golf. They govern everything from the hole-in-one to lost balls and disastrous scores. Elation to complete frustration. They reward good play and even sometimes bad. And they do choose who wins and who loses. The gods have existed since 1822 and have presided over the game since-ensuring major victories and preventing a few - as in the cases of Sam Snead never winning the US Open, and Geoff Olgivy winning in 2006. A Golf God (Masfel) Factoid: Colin Montgomery was supposed to win the 2006 United States Open. Masfel accidentally interfered when Colin changed, for good reason, from using a six iron to using his seven from the middle of the fairway on the last hole, hit the seven iron woefully short and right into thick rough, and eventually ended up with a double bogey. This resulted in a quick conference between his golf god committee and Mikelson's to determine what should happen next. There was a big fight about how many majors Phil should win and how quickly since he had been made to wait so long for his first one. They weren't able to sort it out and Geoff Oglivy was free to play his way to victory. The Golf Gods: Who They Are, What They Want, and How to Appease Them provides the answers to the game's most important questions: How can I cure my slice; What kind of power do the golf gods really have; Do golf professionals respect the golf gods; Can we prove golf gods exist; Why do golfers talk to golf balls; and many more. This handy guide also gives a concise history of the golf gods, who they are, how many there are, what they do, and will explain why every golfer has a committee assigned to dictate their play-and how to become their friend! |
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By Scott Johnston
Mustang Publishing Paperback (96 pages)
 | List Price: $12.00 Lowest New Price: $6.66 Lowest Used Price: $5.34 Usually ships in 24 hours (As of 03:00 Pacific 22 Nov 2008 More Info)
Click Here | Product Description: Thanks to The Complete Book of Golf Games, if you can't make par, you can at least make a few bucks! |
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By Joe Redden Tigan
iUniverse, Inc. Paperback (201 pages)
 | List Price: $14.95 Lowest New Price: $8.99 Lowest Used Price: $8.85 Usually ships in 24 hours (As of 03:00 Pacific 22 Nov 2008 More Info)
Click Here | Product Description: An inordinately beautiful day surprises Chicagoland in July, 2003. No searing heat. No humid haze. Perfect. Real estate appraiser Conny Bromenn has recently turned 40, and the new fresh breeze has pumped him with a magnum of lucidity, though it struggles sometimes to sift through the gauze of befuddlement compiled over 40 years. Conny’s ready for a serious change. He needs to confront his long-standing lethargy in the community and search for deeper meaning in his life—but can he let his golf buddies know his intentions without being laughed off the course? His newfound clarity tells him … maybe. Risking their friendship, Conny proposes a new wager to replace their long-standing $5 Nassau, one in which the losers must adhere to certain pacts. Intended to initiate some sense of social responsibility within this group of 40-year-olds, these pacts quickly take on a life of their own with each passing hole. Conny and his friends start out just hoping to get a tee time in this unexpected weather, but end up turning a funhouse mirror on suburbia, their places in it, and what needs to be done … |
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By Michael Neal
iUniverse, Inc. Released: 2007-05-13 Paperback (106 pages)
 | List Price: $11.95 Lowest New Price: $7.45 Lowest Used Price: $0.13 Usually ships in 24 hours (As of 03:00 Pacific 22 Nov 2008 More Info)
Click Here | Product Description: The Book of Mulligan—18 Guaranteed Ways to Lower Your Golf Score Today is a classic book of golf humor. It follows the entertaining life of Stewart (“Stewie”) J. Mulligan from his early days in his home country of Ireland through his adventures on several continents finally ending in Boston where his story continues. The book cleverly traces the history of the Mulligan, the most used and misunderstood part of the game of golf. Stewie’s notebook contains the Lost Rule 13b of golf. As all good golfers know, Rule 13 requires you to play the ball as it lies. The Lost Rule 13b now gives every golfer in the world, the rest of the story and the ability to lower his or her score—guaranteed! Follow Stewie through the various interpretations of the Lost Rule 13b and you will find yourself nodding in agreement as you read such mulligans as the 1st Tee Mulligan, the Equipment Mulligan, the Etiquette Mulligan, and the Final Word. Each new chapter will show you a new way to lower your score. |
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By Allan Zullo
Andrews McMeel Publishing Paperback (224 pages)
 | List Price: $12.99 Lowest New Price: $7.23 Lowest Used Price: $5.99 Usually ships in 24 hours (As of 03:00 Pacific 22 Nov 2008 More Info)
Click Here | Product Description: "Whether it's the hacker who caught his own ricocheted drive, the pro who stripped down to his shorts to play a shot, or the caddie who lost a golf bag during a round, one thing is certain: Golf is a funny game." --From the introductionFrom bogies and birdies to par shots and eagles, Zullo offers outrageously funny golf tales certain to entertain golf's millions of enthusiasts. From Arnie's infamous run-in with the ninth tee at Rancho Park Golf Course to the amateur hacker who was hit in the head by his own ricocheting golf ball, Allan Zullo presents more than 100 sidesplitting anecdotes of life on the green for linksmen and women in dire need of a laugh and a lower handicap. Recounting mulligans and master strokes from the days hickory shafts ruled the fairways to the 2006 PGA, Champions, and LPGA Tours, this comical compendium is executed with the precision of a flawless bunker shot into the cup. |
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Bloomberg Press Hardcover (128 pages)
 | List Price: $21.95 Lowest New Price: $5.00 Lowest Used Price: $0.83 Usually ships in 24 hours (As of 03:00 Pacific 22 Nov 2008 More Info)
Click Here | Product Description: From the wonderful golf cartoons published over the decades in "The New Yorker," cartoon editor Mankoff has culled the best for this book from the magazine's amazing artists. |
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By Dick Crouser
Meadowbrook Pr Paperback
| Lowest New Price: $18.75 Lowest Used Price: $0.01 (As of 03:00 Pacific 22 Nov 2008 More Info)
Click Here | Product Description: This collection of 185 true, funny anecdotes about famous golfers, including Chi Chi Rodriguez, Lee Trevino, Tiger Woods, Arnold Palmer, and Jack Nicklaus, is sure to get any golfer chuckling. When you buy this book for yourself or a golfing friend or relative, you'll guarantee great stories on the putting green and at the 19th hole! |
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