Golf Jokes

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1. Golf is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.
   
   
2. Golfers who claim not to cheat, also lie.
   
   
3. If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight.
   
   
4. There are only two kinds of bounces: unfair, and ones that went just the way you meant to play them.
   
   
5. The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course, is a straight line: A straight line that passes through a very large tree.
   
   
6. If you are unable to keep your head still, and you look up, causing a bad shot, you will look down again at the exact moment when you should be watching the ball if you ever want to find it again.
   
   
7. Bad shots always come in threes. If you believe that you performed your fourth bad shot in a row, you're wrong: it's actually the first of the next group of three.
   
   
8. If it ain't broke, try changing your grip.
   
   
9. Any ball that you can see in the rough from more than 2 feet away, isn't yours.
   
   
10. No matter how badly you are currently playing, it's always possible to play worse.

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Buy at AllPosters.com

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Buy at AllPosters.com

Buy at AllPosters.com

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• Golf Jokes and Funny Pictures

The Official Rules of Bad Golf By Henry Beard Sterling Paperback (128 pages) List Price: $9.95* Lowest New Price: $3.48* Lowest Used Price: $0.01* Usually ships in 24 hours* *(As of 21:19 Pacific 3 Feb 2012 More Info) Click Here Product Description: Everyone who plays golf dreams of long drives, below-par scores, and holes-in-one. Unfortunately, not everyone succeeds. But there is an easy way for golfers to knock a dozen strokes off their handicap. No, it doesn’t require new clubs—just new rules, designed for the game mortals actually play: Bad Golf. Here at last, in one compact, illustrated guide, are 62 of the commonly accepted Mulligans, gimmes, waivers, escape clauses, and extenuating circumstances that sensible amateurs have employed for years to level the playing field just a bit with the likes of Arnold, Jack, and Tiger. It’s a must-have for every golf bag!

501 Excuses for a Bad Golf Shot By Justin Exner Sourcebooks Hysteria Paperback (144 pages) List Price: $8.95* Lowest New Price: $3.13* Lowest Used Price: $0.01* Usually ships in 24 hours* *(As of 21:19 Pacific 3 Feb 2012 More Info) Click Here Product Description: You can blame your job... You can blame the course... You can blame mother nature... Or you can blame your equipment... But Never, Ever, BLAME YOURSELF!

The New Yorker Book of Golf Cartoons (New Yorker Book of Cartoons) Bloomberg Press Hardcover (128 pages) List Price: $21.95* Lowest New Price: $7.85* Lowest Used Price: $0.01* Usually ships in 24 hours* *(As of 21:19 Pacific 3 Feb 2012 More Info) Click Here Product Description: Mark Twain called it "a good walk spoiled." Lee Trevino said it was the most fun he ever had with his clothes on. For duffers and pros alike, golf can be both a delight and a torment—often on the same day, sometimes on the same hole. How difficult can it be to take a stick and knock a small ball into a hole? In the obsessive examination of that question lie the joys and sorrows of many a dedicated player. (Is obsessive too strong? Just ask any avid golfer's friends or family.) So it is little wonder that golf has been the subject of numerous cartoons from The New Yorker cartoonists, including such luminaries as Charles Addams, Roz Chast, Whitney Darrow Jr., Edward Koren, George Price, and William Steig. Robert Mankoff, the cartoon editor of The New Yorker, has culled the decades' best, all exhibiting the focus, the passion—and the frequent absurdity—of the golfer's world. This unforgettable collection contains one hundred pages of cartoons, which, like a hole in one, will leave you smiling.

Putt Up Or Shut Up: A Shanktacular Guide To Golf's Greatest Excuses By Lacy Maran Released: 2011-03-29 Kindle Edition (27 pages) List Price: $0.99* *(As of 21:19 Pacific 3 Feb 2012 More Info) Click Here Product Description: The divots. The double bogeys. The putts you left just short. Sometimes your game just stinks. Luckily, there‘s a cure for an uncommonly bad golf: Putt Up Or Shut Up is a shanktacular guide to the excuses you‘ll need to rationalize why you just landed in another bunker. This collection also excludes beer cart worthy lists such as: The Top 5 Things Not To Say During Someone’s Backswing. It also features a special preview of the new comic golf quote book: Life In The Rough. So if you’ve been searching for a great golf gift for that special slicer in your life, you’re finally closest to the pin.

Murphy's Laws of Golf By Henry Beard Sterling Paperback (128 pages) List Price: $9.95* Lowest New Price: $3.98* Lowest Used Price: $2.01* Usually ships in 24 hours* *(As of 21:19 Pacific 3 Feb 2012 More Info) Click Here Product Description: Every golfer knows the feeling: Anything that can go right will go WAY, WAY right. To hit a truly awful shot, mere incompetence is not enough…you really need an audience. Back in the early days of the game, when the first rules were written and the basics of etiquette formulated, there appeared a series of shrewd and rueful observations about golf that were nearly always attributed to a mysterious individual named Murphy. As time passed, these canny precepts found their way into the culture at large—but the roots of Murphy’s Laws clearly lie in this sport that’s tailor-made to expose the fundamental malevolence of the cosmos. Here they are, collected—for all lovers of the links to ponder when they’re in the rough!

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Golf By Joshua Piven The Booklegger Paperback (176 pages) List Price: $14.95* Lowest New Price: $0.78* Lowest Used Price: $0.01* Usually ships in 24 hours* *(As of 21:19 Pacific 3 Feb 2012 More Info) Click Here Made by The Booklegger Product Description: The authors of The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook take to the links! Dave and Josh join golf fanatic James Grace, drawing on their own tragic exploits and the experience of experts to help golfers survive dozens of dire situations. Learn how to finish a round with a broken arm, deal with a cigar brush fire, cure golf addiction, or remove a tick. Discover the best way to play out of a water hazard, make it through a lightning storm, or survive being hit in the privates. Hands-on, illustrated, step-by-step instructions guide you through these and other perils lurking on the fairway. With an appendix of rules for bizarre mis-haps, strategies for surmounting dress-code and equipment crises, and other essential survival tips, this handy guide won't help you save par-but it could save your bacon! Don't tee off without it.

Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Tees Off on Golf By Bathroom Readers' Institute Portable Press Paperback (320 pages) List Price: $12.95* Lowest New Price: $2.95* Lowest Used Price: $0.01* Usually ships in 24 hours* *(As of 21:19 Pacific 3 Feb 2012 More Info) Click Here Product Description: Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Tees Off on Golf is flush with fascinating facts about the origins of this royal and ancient sport. Since 1987, the Bathroom Readers’ Institute has led the movement to stand up for those who sit down and read in the bathroom (and everywhere else for that matter). With more than 11 million books in print, the Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader series is the longest-running, most popular series of its kind in the world. Where else could you learn about the greatest animals on the greens (Tiger, Shark, Golden Bear), the world’s best courses (think St. Andrews), and the world’s most dangerous links (watch out for land mines!)? You may not be PGA material, or even know the difference between a pitching wedge and a spatula, but with Uncle John’s tips and trivia, you’ll have plenty to talk about while you hunt for your ball in the rough. Read all about Golfers’ nicknames The best tournament finishes in history The origins of caddies, the LPGA, and the PGA tour Strange (but real) rules And much more!

The Wit of Golf Hodder & Stoughton Paperback (292 pages) List Price: $12.95* Lowest New Price: $4.83* Lowest Used Price: $500.98* Usually ships in 24 hours* *(As of 21:19 Pacific 3 Feb 2012 More Info) Click Here Product Description: The humor of legendary players such as Seve Ballesteros, Tony Jacklin, Jack Nicklaus, Lee Trevino, and Tiger Woods, as they share the funny side of playing in the Open Championship and the Ryder Cup   A bumper bag of humorous anecdotes and amusing tales from golf’s best-loved personalities, this collection that proves golf is a funny old game—birdies, bunkers, and all! Hilarious stories cover everything from caddies to the clubhouse by the game’s all-time great characters, including Peter Alliss, Nick Faldo, Sandy Lyle, Sam Torrance, and Ian Woosnam. Celebrity golfers Bruce Forsyth and Michael Parkinson provide rib-tickling anecdotes about pro-am tournaments and club golf. This wonderful collection of jokes, stories, and anecdotes is perfect for any golf fan.

Calendar 2012 (Golf Series) Released: 2012-01-10 Kindle Edition   Product Description: Calendar 2012 on Theme of Golf. Enjoy.

You Know you are a Golf Fanatic When... (The Unleashed "You Know"Series) By Peter Syrek Released: 2011-02-26 Kindle Edition (55 pages) List Price: $0.99* *(As of 21:19 Pacific 3 Feb 2012 More Info) Click Here Product Description: If you are a golf fanatic or know one, you need to get this book. Page after page of ridiculously funny golf quotes - one liners - jokes and cartoons. Hysterical golf humor, original golf jokes for that golf fan - fanatic. Get a laugh from something other than your golf game. Sample Funny Quotes - Jokes - One Liners: You Know you are a Golf Fanatic When… • God called. He wants you to put down your clubs and come back to church Sunday mornings. • You always have golf range tokens in your pocket. • Whenever you meet a stranger, the first words out of your mouth are “do you play golf?” • You have a Tiger Woods air freshener in your car.