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Guide 4 Golf   >   Golf Articles   >   Golf Jokes

   
 

 

Golf Jokes


Golfer: "I'm going to drown myself in that lake over there."

Caddy: "Do you think that you can keep your head down that long?"



The 10 Unalterable Laws of Golf
  1. Golf is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.

  2. Golfers who claim not to cheat, also lie.

  3. If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight.

  4. There are only two kinds of bounces: unfair, and ones that went just the way you meant to play them.

  5. The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course, is a straight line: A straight line that passes through a very large tree.

  6. If you are unable to keep your head still, and you look up, causing a bad shot, you will look down again at the exact moment when you should be watching the ball if you ever want to find it again.

  7. Bad shots always come in threes. If you believe that you performed your fourth bad shot in a row, you're wrong: it's actually the first of the next group of three.

  8. If it ain't broke, try changing your grip.

  9. Any ball that you can see in the rough from more than 2 feet away, isn't yours.

  10. No matter how badly you are currently playing, it's always possible to play worse.


Golfer: "I just got a set of golf clubs for my wife."

Caddy: "Great trade!"



A man comes home from his Saturday afternoon golf game, and his wife asks, "Why don't you play with Tom Paxton anymore?"

The husband replies, "Would you want to play golf with somebody who cheats in virtually every single game, swears like a foul-mouthed sailor, lies about his score, and doesn't have a good word to say about anybody else on the course?"

"Of course not" replies wife.

"Well," says the husband, "neither would Tom Paxton."



Golfer: "Do you think that my game is improving?"

Caddy: "Oh yes. You miss the ball much closer now."



Funny Golf Quotes

"Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose."
    - Woodrow Wilson

" The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course."
    - Billy Graham

"It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling."
    - Mark Twain

"Golf, like measles, should be caught young."
    - P. G. Wodehouse



Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break one hundred on this course."

Caddy: "Try heaven. You've already moved most of the earth."



More Funny Golf Quotes

"I know I'm getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators."
    - Gerald Ford

"I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles."
    - G. K. Chesterton

"If you think it's hard to meet new people,try picking up the wrong golf ball."
    - Jack Lemmon

"They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that."
    - Gardner Dickinson




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Golf Humor Books

Here are some books with golf jokes and humor:

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The New Yorker Book of Golf Cartoons

Wiley
Released: June 5th, 2012
Hardcover (144 pages)

The New Yorker Book of Golf Cartoons
Lowest New Price: $22.95*
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Description:
The New Yorker Book of Golf Cartoons
  • Manufacturer: Wiley
  • Brand: Wiley
  • ISBN: 111834202X
  • EAN: 9781118342022
  • PartNumber: unknown
Details:
  • Hardcover
  • Edition: Revised and Updated
  • Number of Pages: 144
  • Publication Date: June 5th, 2012
  • Release Date: June 5th, 2012
Physical Description:
  • Size: 8.70077 Inches by 8.200771 Inches by 0.799211 Inches
  • Weight: 1.10672055524 Pounds
Features:
  • Wiley
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501 Excuses for a Bad Golf Shot

By Justin Exner

imusti
Released: May 1st, 2016
Hardcover (144 pages)

501 Excuses for a Bad Golf Shot
Lowest New Price: $9.99*
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Description:
501 Excuses for a Bad Golf Shot
  • Manufacturer: Sourcebooks
  • Brand: imusti
  • ISBN: 1492641227
  • UPC: 760789261251
  • EANs: 9781492641223, 0760789261251
  • PartNumber: unknown
Details:
  • Hardcover
  • Edition: 3
  • Number of Pages: 144
  • Author: Justin Exner
  • Publication Date: May 1st, 2016
  • Release Date: May 1st, 2016
Physical Description:
  • Size: 5.0 Inches by 5.0 Inches by 0.25 Inches
  • Weight: 0.59965735264 Pounds
Features:
  • Sourcebooks
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The Downhill Lie: A Hacker's Return to a Ruinous Sport

By Carl Hiaasen

Hiaasen, Carl
Released: May 5th, 2009
Paperback (224 pages)

The Downhill Lie: A Hacker s Return to a Ruinous Sport
List Price: $16.00*
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Description:
The Downhill Lie: A Hacker's Return to a Ruinous Sport
  • Manufacturer: Vintage
  • Brand: Hiaasen, Carl
  • ISBN: 0307280454
  • EAN: 9780307280459
  • PartNumber: 9780307280459
Details:
  • Paperback
  • Edition: Reprint
  • Number of Pages: 224
  • Author: Carl Hiaasen
  • Publication Date: May 5th, 2009
  • Release Date: May 5th, 2009
Physical Description:
  • Size: 7.97 Inches by 5.2 Inches by 0.59 Inches
  • Weight: 0.54 Pounds
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Lost Balls: Great Holes, Tough Shots, and Bad Lies

By Charles Lindsay

Bulfinch
Released: May 4th, 2005
Hardcover (128 pages)

Lost Balls: Great Holes, Tough Shots, and Bad Lies
List Price: $30.00*
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Description:
Lost Balls: Great Holes, Tough Shots, and Bad Lies
  • Manufacturer: Bulfinch
  • Brand: Bulfinch
  • ISBNs: 0821261851, 9780821261859
  • EAN: 9780821261859
  • PartNumber: 9780821261859
Details:
  • Hardcover
  • Edition: First Edition
  • Number of Pages: 128
  • Author: Charles Lindsay
  • Publication Date: May 4th, 2005
  • Release Date: May 4th, 2005
Physical Description:
  • Size: 10.4 Inches by 10.3 Inches by 0.75 Inches
  • Weight: 2.1384839414 Pounds
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A Life Well Played: My Stories (Commemorative Edition)

By Arnold Palmer

St. Martin's Press
Released: September 19th, 2017
Hardcover (288 pages)

A Life Well Played: My Stories (Commemorative Edition)
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Description:
A Life Well Played: My Stories (Commemorative Edition)
  • Manufacturer: St. Martin's Press
  • ISBN: 125016107X
  • EAN: 9781250161079
  • PartNumber: Illustrated
Details:
  • Hardcover
  • Format: Deckle Edge
  • Edition: Commemorative
  • Number of Pages: 288
  • Author: Arnold Palmer
  • Publication Date: September 19th, 2017
  • Release Date: September 19th, 2017
Physical Description:
  • Size: 7.78 Inches by 5.4 Inches by 1.03 Inches
  • Weight: 0.75 Pounds
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50 Reasons to Hate Golf and Why You Should Never Stop Playing

By Fred Fruisen

punchline
Released: February 21st, 2017
Hardcover (120 pages)

50 Reasons to Hate Golf and Why You Should Never Stop Playing
List Price: $12.95*
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Description:
50 Reasons to Hate Golf and Why You Should Never Stop Playing
  • Manufacturer: punchline
  • Brand: punchline
  • ISBN: 1938093860
  • EAN: 9781938093869
  • PartNumber: two colour illustrations
Details:
  • Hardcover
  • Number of Pages: 120
  • Author: Fred Fruisen
  • Publication Date: February 21st, 2017
  • Release Date: February 21st, 2017
Physical Description:
  • Size: 7.0 Inches by 5.5 Inches by 0.75 Inches
  • Weight: 0.6 Pounds
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God Loves Golfers Best

By Ray Foley

Sourcebooks
Released: May 1st, 2009
Paperback (144 pages)

God Loves Golfers Best
Lowest New Price: $14.21*
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Description:
God Loves Golfers Best
  • Manufacturer: Sourcebooks
  • ISBN: 1402218494
  • UPC: 760789224294
  • EANs: 9781402218491, 0760789224294
  • PartNumber: Illustrated
Details:
  • Paperback
  • Number of Pages: 144
  • Author: Ray Foley
  • Publication Date: May 1st, 2009
  • Release Date: May 1st, 2009
Physical Description:
  • Size: 8.0 Inches by 6.0 Inches by 0.33 Inches
  • Weight: 0.52029093832 Pounds
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Best Funny Golf Quotes: A Cool Collection of Over 200 Funniest Hilarious Humorous Inspiring Satirical Words, Sayings, Proverbs from Famous Players, ... To Laugh, Have Fun and Reduce Depression.

By Golfers Book Publishing

Independently published
Released: October 31st, 2019
Paperback (89 pages)

Best Funny Golf Quotes: A Cool Collection of Over 200 Funniest Hilarious Humorous Inspiring Satirical Words, Sayings, Proverbs from Famous Players, ... To Laugh, Have Fun and Reduce Depression.
Lowest New Price: $9.99*
In Stock.*
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Description:
Best Funny Golf Quotes: A Cool Collection of Over 200 Funniest Hilarious Humorous Inspiring Satirical Words, Sayings, Proverbs from Famous Players, ... To Laugh, Have Fun and Reduce Depression.
  • Manufacturer: Independently published
  • ISBN: 1704228840
  • EAN: 9781704228846
Details:
  • Paperback
  • Number of Pages: 89
  • Author: Golfers Book Publishing
  • Publication Date: October 31st, 2019
  • Release Date: October 31st, 2019
Physical Description:
  • Size: 9.0 Inches by 6.0 Inches by 0.21 Inches
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The Power of Positive Idiocy: A Collection of Rants and Raves

By David Feherty

Anchor
Released: May 3rd, 2011
Paperback (400 pages)

The Power of Positive Idiocy: A Collection of Rants and Raves
Lowest New Price: $16.95*
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The Power of Positive Idiocy: A Collection of Rants and Raves
  • Manufacturer: Anchor
  • ISBN: 0767932315
  • EAN: 9780767932318
  • PartNumber: unknown
Details:
  • Paperback
  • Edition: 1st
  • Number of Pages: 400
  • Author: David Feherty
  • Publication Date: May 3rd, 2011
  • Release Date: May 3rd, 2011
Physical Description:
  • Size: 8.0 Inches by 5.1 Inches by 0.8 Inches
  • Weight: 0.66 Pounds
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Golf - This damn Sport !

By Harold Bluestein

Harold Bluestein, LLC
Released: April 3rd, 2019
Paperback (105 pages)

Golf - This damn Sport !
Lowest New Price: $16.95*
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Description:
Golf - This damn Sport !
  • Manufacturer: Harold Bluestein, LLC
  • ISBN: 0692691146
  • EAN: 9780692691144
Details:
  • Paperback
  • Edition: First
  • Number of Pages: 105
  • Author: Harold Bluestein
  • Publication Date: April 3rd, 2019
  • Release Date: April 3rd, 2019
Click here for more information

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