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Guide 4 Golf   >   Golf Articles   >   Golf Jokes

   
 

 

Golf Jokes


Golfer: "I'm going to drown myself in that lake over there."

Caddy: "Do you think that you can keep your head down that long?"



The 10 Unalterable Laws of Golf
  1. Golf is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.

  2. Golfers who claim not to cheat, also lie.

  3. If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight.

  4. There are only two kinds of bounces: unfair, and ones that went just the way you meant to play them.

  5. The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course, is a straight line: A straight line that passes through a very large tree.

  6. If you are unable to keep your head still, and you look up, causing a bad shot, you will look down again at the exact moment when you should be watching the ball if you ever want to find it again.

  7. Bad shots always come in threes. If you believe that you performed your fourth bad shot in a row, you're wrong: it's actually the first of the next group of three.

  8. If it ain't broke, try changing your grip.

  9. Any ball that you can see in the rough from more than 2 feet away, isn't yours.

  10. No matter how badly you are currently playing, it's always possible to play worse.


Golfer: "I just got a set of golf clubs for my wife."

Caddy: "Great trade!"



A man comes home from his Saturday afternoon golf game, and his wife asks, "Why don't you play with Tom Paxton anymore?"

The husband replies, "Would you want to play golf with somebody who cheats in virtually every single game, swears like a foul-mouthed sailor, lies about his score, and doesn't have a good word to say about anybody else on the course?"

"Of course not" replies wife.

"Well," says the husband, "neither would Tom Paxton."



Golfer: "Do you think that my game is improving?"

Caddy: "Oh yes. You miss the ball much closer now."



Funny Golf Quotes

"Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose."
    - Woodrow Wilson

" The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course."
    - Billy Graham

"It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling."
    - Mark Twain

"Golf, like measles, should be caught young."
    - P. G. Wodehouse



Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break one hundred on this course."

Caddy: "Try heaven. You've already moved most of the earth."



More Funny Golf Quotes

"I know I'm getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators."
    - Gerald Ford

"I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles."
    - G. K. Chesterton

"If you think it's hard to meet new people,try picking up the wrong golf ball."
    - Jack Lemmon

"They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that."
    - Gardner Dickinson




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Golf Humor Books

Here are some books with golf jokes and humor:

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Lost Balls: Great Holes, Tough Shots, and Bad Lies

By Charles Lindsay

Bulfinch
Released: May 4th, 2005
Hardcover (128 pages)

Lost Balls: Great Holes, Tough Shots, and Bad Lies
Lowest New Price: $29.45*
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Description:
Lost Balls: Great Holes, Tough Shots, and Bad Lies
  • Manufacturer: Bulfinch
  • Brand: Bulfinch
  • ISBNs: 0821261851, 9780821261859
  • EAN: 9780821261859
  • PartNumber: 9780821261859
Details:
  • Hardcover
  • Format: Illustrated
  • Edition: Illustrated
  • Number of Pages: 128
  • Author: Charles Lindsay
  • Publication Date: May 4th, 2005
  • Release Date: May 4th, 2005
Physical Description:
  • Size: 10.25 Inches by 10.25 Inches by 0.81 Inches
  • Weight: 2.1384839414 Pounds
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Absolutely Hilarious Adult Golf Joke Book (Golfwell's Adult Joke Book Series) (Volume 1)

By The Team at Golfwell

CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform
Released: March 1st, 2016
Paperback (162 pages)

Absolutely Hilarious Adult Golf Joke Book (Golfwell s Adult Joke Book Series) (Volume 1)
Lowest New Price: $8.95*
Available to ship in 1-2 days.*
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Description:
Absolutely Hilarious Adult Golf Joke Book (Golfwell's Adult Joke Book Series) (Volume 1)
  • Manufacturer: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform
  • ISBN: 1530123542
  • EAN: 9781530123544
Details:
  • Paperback
  • Edition: 1
  • Number of Pages: 162
  • Author: The Team at Golfwell
  • Publication Date: March 1st, 2016
  • Release Date: March 1st, 2016
Physical Description:
  • Size: 9.0 Inches by 6.0 Inches by 0.37 Inches
  • Weight: 0.64 Pounds
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A Life Well Played: My Stories (Commemorative Edition)

By Arnold Palmer

St. Martin's Press
Released: September 19th, 2017
Hardcover (288 pages)

A Life Well Played: My Stories (Commemorative Edition)
List Price: $22.99*
Lowest New Price: $14.79*
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Description:
A Life Well Played: My Stories (Commemorative Edition)
  • Manufacturer: St. Martin's Press
  • Brand: St. Martin's Press
  • ISBN: 125016107X
  • EAN: 9781250161079
  • PartNumber: Illustrated
Details:
  • Hardcover
  • Formats: Illustrated, Deckle Edge
  • Edition: Illustrated
  • Number of Pages: 288
  • Author: Arnold Palmer
  • Publication Date: September 19th, 2017
  • Release Date: September 19th, 2017
Physical Description:
  • Size: 7.7799057 Inches by 5.3999892 Inches by 1.0299192 Inches
  • Weight: 0.75 Pounds
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A Course Called Ireland: A Long Walk in Search of a Country, a Pint, and the Next Tee

By Tom Coyne

Avery Publishing Group
Released: February 2nd, 2010
Paperback (320 pages)

A Course Called Ireland: A Long Walk in Search of a Country, a Pint, and the Next Tee
List Price: $17.00*
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Description:
A Course Called Ireland: A Long Walk in Search of a Country, a Pint, and the Next Tee
  • Manufacturer: Avery
  • Brand: Avery Publishing Group
  • ISBN: 1592405282
  • EAN: 9781592405282
  • PartNumber: Illustrated
Details:
  • Paperback
  • Format: Illustrated
  • Edition: Illustrated
  • Number of Pages: 320
  • Author: Tom Coyne
  • Publication Date: February 2nd, 2010
  • Release Date: February 2nd, 2010
Physical Description:
  • Size: 8.0 Inches by 5.32 Inches by 0.7 Inches
  • Weight: 0.5732018812 Pounds
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Golf's Best Excuses: 150 Hilarious Excuses Every Golf Player Should Know

By Joshua Shifrin

SKYHORSE
Released: October 1st, 2019
Paperback (168 pages)

Golf s Best Excuses: 150 Hilarious Excuses Every Golf Player Should Know
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Golf's Best Excuses: 150 Hilarious Excuses Every Golf Player Should Know
  • Manufacturer: Skyhorse
  • Brand: SKYHORSE
  • ISBN: 1510744754
  • EAN: 9781510744752
Details:
  • Paperback
  • Number of Pages: 168
  • Author: Joshua Shifrin
  • Publication Date: October 1st, 2019
  • Release Date: October 1st, 2019
Physical Description:
  • Size: 7.0 Inches by 5.0 Inches by 0.6 Inches
  • Weight: 0.65918216338 Pounds
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Confessions of a Golf Pro

By Andrew Wood

Kindle Edition (182 pages)

Confessions of a Golf Pro
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Confessions of a Golf Pro

Details:
  • Kindle Edition
  • Format: Kindle eBook
  • Number of Pages: 182
  • Author: Andrew Wood
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501 Excuses for a Bad Golf Shot

By Justin Exner

imusti
Released: May 1st, 2016
Hardcover (144 pages)

501 Excuses for a Bad Golf Shot
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Description:
501 Excuses for a Bad Golf Shot
  • Manufacturer: Sourcebooks
  • Brand: imusti
  • ISBN: 1492641227
  • UPC: 760789261251
  • EANs: 9781492641223, 0760789261251
  • PartNumber: unknown
Details:
  • Hardcover
  • Edition: 3
  • Number of Pages: 144
  • Author: Justin Exner
  • Publication Date: May 1st, 2016
  • Release Date: May 1st, 2016
Physical Description:
  • Size: 6.25 Inches by 6.25 Inches by 1.5 Inches
  • Weight: 0.59965735264 Pounds
Features:
  • Sourcebooks
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Unplayable Lies: Golf Stories (Anchor Sports)

By Dan Jenkins

Anchor Books
Released: April 5th, 2016
Paperback (272 pages)

Unplayable Lies: Golf Stories (Anchor Sports)
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Unplayable Lies: Golf Stories (Anchor Sports)
  • Manufacturer: Anchor
  • Brand: Anchor Books
  • ISBNs: 1101873078, 9781101873076
  • EAN: 9781101873076
  • PartNumber: FLMMC9781101873076
Details:
  • Paperback
  • Edition: Reprint
  • Number of Pages: 272
  • Author: Dan Jenkins
  • Publication Date: April 5th, 2016
  • Release Date: April 5th, 2016
Physical Description:
  • Size: 8.0 Inches by 5.1 Inches by 0.9 Inches
  • Weight: 0.6 Pounds
Features:
  • Anchor Books
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The Grifter's Club: Trump, Mar-a-Lago, and the Selling of the Presidency

By Sarah Blaskey & Caitlin Ostroff

PublicAffairs
Released: August 4th, 2020
Hardcover (256 pages)

The Grifter s Club: Trump, Mar-a-Lago, and the Selling of the Presidency
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The Grifter's Club: Trump, Mar-a-Lago, and the Selling of the Presidency
  • Manufacturer: PublicAffairs
  • Brand: PublicAffairs
  • ISBN: 1541756959
  • EAN: 9781541756953
Details:
  • Hardcover
  • Number of Pages: 256
  • Authors: Sarah Blaskey, Nicholas Nehamas, Caitlin Ostroff, Jay Weaver
  • Publication Date: August 4th, 2020
  • Release Date: August 4th, 2020
Physical Description:
  • Size: 9.5 Inches by 6.375 Inches by 0.875 Inches
  • Weight: 1.0 Pounds
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The Nine Virtues of Golf: Essays, Musings, and Other Contemplations On the Game

By Jay Revell

Independently published
Released: June 1st, 2020
Paperback (111 pages)

The Nine Virtues of Golf: Essays, Musings, and Other Contemplations On the Game
Lowest New Price: $13.95*
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Description:
The Nine Virtues of Golf: Essays, Musings, and Other Contemplations On the Game
  • Manufacturer: Independently published
  • ISBN: 1081385944
  • EAN: 9781081385941
Details:
  • Paperback
  • Number of Pages: 111
  • Author: Jay Revell
  • Publication Date: June 1st, 2020
  • Release Date: June 1st, 2020
Physical Description:
  • Size: 9.0 Inches by 6.0 Inches by 0.25 Inches
  • Weight: 0.35 Pounds
Click here for more information

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